Dec 31

 page 9, we are now about 50 minutes into my movie.

 

 

BARBER                            

So, tell me FRANK, do you want me to ask my boss to telecast your Cup meeting?

 

FRANK   (Sweating)               

That really would be terrific BARBER!        

Will you be coming?

 

BARBER                             

Yes, I will come.

 

FRANK                              

Can I watch you come to BARBER?

 

BARBER

(Pushes Frank harder in the chest that makes him stagger backwards)

Certainly NOT, you know like most decent church going women, I am a come only when the lights off girl!

 

FRANK                             

Ok, can you please give me a call next week to discuss the details, thanks BARBER you’re an angel!

 

(Frank gives Barber a big cuddle and squeezes her buxom breasts as he pulls away.

Barber points her shaking finger at Frank)

 

The Drunk staggers past holding a drink with James following

 

                                             Cut to

 

INT     BACK IN THE BOARD ROOM MEETING       DAY

The committee have gathered for a report on how Frank’s marketing plans are going.

 

They are chatting and worried about the $100k prize money promised by TED.

 

Frank makes a speech.

 

 

FRANK

Good morning committee members.          

 

I have great news, I am happy to confirm that ACD NETWORK will be live broadcasting our Cup day meeting.

 

(Members clap except TED)

We also have secured $50,000 in new sponsors plus I had talks with the President of the GOBBLE GOBBLE Nudist

 

Colony and they fully support our day and their members can be expected to    

 

turn up in big numbers.

 

They even gave me a life time FREE membership!

 

(Holding up the membership ticket with a big smile)

I have organized a Punters Club and I personally will put $5,000 into the   

pool and hope it wins on the day for the club. Honest Bob is coming from out of town to run it for us.

 

 

TED    (Frowning)                  

Still not $100,000 plus we need!

 

 

BART   (Loud tone)                

You are the one who promised $100,000!

 

Committee Member #2                 

So it looks like full steam ahead to me?

(Members stand and clap)

Cut to

 

EXT       RACE DAY PREPARATIONS         DAY

EVENT:

People work to prepare for race day. Sponsors boards going up around the track, bar and food

stalls setting up. Barber, with crew sets up her ACD broadcasting equipment.

The Nude Bar is open, a large round hot bubbling spa on, bookmakers setting up their stands, horses being led

into stables and course proper track being mowed with a hand mower.

Frank and Bart walk around chatting, organizing things and giving instructions.

The Drunk staggers past holding a drink, followed by James in robotic fashion.

 

     Cut to

 

 

INT      ACD SPORTS NEWS DESK     DAY

ACD Broadcasting head-quarters are telecasting the world’s first nude race day meeting. JENNY (35) Attractive,

glasses, short skirt sits on a bar stool with legs open showing her pink nickers, talks live on air.

 

 

JENNY                                 

Good afternoon viewers; we are live today broadcasting the world’s first nude race meeting from the GOBBLE GOBBLE

Race Track in GOBBLE GOBBLE.

We are crossing live now to see how things are shaping up with our amazing travelling sports reporter, the most

dumbest, extraordinaire, gorgeous and f&^%#g grouse Christmas party girl for boys and girls; MISS BARBER HAIR’DO

(FADE OUT: The in-house camera crew with pants down to their ankles, CLAP, WHISTLE and CHEER)

         Cut to

 

 

EXT       BARBER STARTS REPORTING       DAY

Barber standing, holds a microphone in front of the entrance gates of the GOBBLE GOBBLE Race Club with race

goers, dressed and partly naked queuing to get in.

 

BARBER                           

Thanks JENNY for those kind memories of our last Christmas Party, lying on my back, looking at the ceilings every half hour after reading the weather reports, brings back great memories of high laughter and amazing moans!

As you can see behind me JENNY dearest, we are still 2 hours before the first race and already it looks like a bumper crowd turning up for the club.

 

Stay tuned today as we will take you exclusively around the track with Fashions on Parade, interviews with

personalities and trainers plus not forgetting the inside tips for punters on the big GOBBLE GOBBLE Cup starting at 4pm.

     Cut to

 

    EXT        ASIAN TOURIST BUS        DAY

EVENT: A battered yellow bus load of 30 men and women Asian Tourist (short in stature) are on their way to the

nude race meeting;

 

INDIAN BUS DRIVE (45) traditional Indian clothes continually gets lost and must use a road map to find his way.

The tourists CHEER, SING, DANCE and frantically WAVE small flags.

The Indian driver TALKS IN HINDU and his messages are subtitled who announces that just around the next corner is

the nudie race track! (Subtitles bottom or screen) 

“Oh my god, we nearly at nudie track horse very soon, that is very good news!”

The tourists quickly take off their clothes, except for their underpants and excitedly JUMP UP and DOWN in the

isles, take photos of each other.

The bus stops and opens its door, naked tourists wildly run out off the bus, waving flags, right into a

traditional Asian wedding ceremony taking place in the grounds of a park.

Wedding guests are in shock at their fellow naked country men and women.

The tourists bow and step backwards towards the bus and run inside and put their clothes back on. They sit in

their seats in silence.

The bus driver checks his road map and heads off down the road with the old bus BLOWING SMOKE and BACK FIRING.

Cut to

 

EXT       SPOT INTERVIEW      DAY

With the horse stables in the back ground, Barber is interviewing the Chief Steward SPOT (A person in a WHITE and

BLACK spotted dog costume, black nose)

A glimpse of a greyhound dog trial run on the course proper is seen between the stables.

 

BARBER                            

Good morning Chief Steward SPOT, you are in charge of today’s race meeting?

 

 

SPOT      (Throwing out his chest)         

Yes, that is correct girlie!

 

 

BARBER                             

Do you expect any problems today?

 

 

SPOT   (Bends over and SNIFFS BARBER up and down)            

You are on heat!

     (Lets’ out a big dog howl!)

I better escort you back to my place so we can have a doggy bath!

Boy, you really do smell off!

       (Barber blushes and takes a step backwards)

           (Pause)

(Spot points to the greyhounds running past)

How dumb are those greyhounds?

                                       Cut to

 

EXT       BARBER WEARING A T SHIRT      DAY

Barber wears a printed t shirt: “Yes, I am on heat!”

 

BARBER                            

What do you mean Chief Steward SPOT?

 

 

SPOT (Points upwards with his finger)                             

Dumb greyhounds year after year chase a stuffed piece of rag.

THINK-ING mind you; THINK-ING it’s a real rabbit!

 

How f&^%%#g stupid are they?

 

 

 

BARBER                             

Have you been in the racing industry long Chief Steward SPOT?

 

 

SPOT                                   

About 5 years; previously I won 30 races mostly at Group 1 level.

 

 

BARBER                            

That must have been exciting times. 

Did you ever win a Derby?

 

 

SPOT                                      

No, damn unlucky though, got checked at the 100 metre mark, bastard;

I should have won that race!

 

BARBER                              

So it was the jockeys fault?

 

 

SPOT     (Twists his head sideways)                     

Jockey, what f*&^%$g jockey?

 

 

BARBER                              

The jockey who rode your horse you trained in the Derby?

 

 

SPOT                                                                              

Horse trainer!

 

I was no dumb horse trainer!                           

I was The Greyhound called “SPOT”                      

I was a super charged champion for years.

 

 

BARBER                            

You were a greyhound?

 

SPOT                                       

What did you think I was you silly bitch?

Do I look like a horse trainer, I ask you, do I look like a horse trainer?

(Pause)

But I am all OVER BEING A STUPID GREYHOUND NOW!

 

 

BARBER                               

My apologies Chief Steward SPOT

So you can guarantee good clean races for the punters today?

 

 

 

SPOT    (Throws out his chest)                             

I have an eagle eye for corruption and can see any wrong doings from 300 metres away.

Nothing gets passed me; that’s why I am the Chief Racing Steward of the GOBBLE GOBBLE racing club!

 

 

(Background in the stalls, horses are being doped from a large bags marked DOPING DRUGS BAG and needled by nurses and doctors)

 

The Drunk staggers past the horses followed by James.

 

We hear the sound of the dog lure (Noise over) “running up” for the next dog trial.

 

      Fade In. Spot’s ears prick up and he looks around left to right, excited.

 

 

SPOT      (Itching to go)                         

I’m going to catch that f&^$#g rabbit if it’s the last thing I ever do!

(Spots runs over, jumps the fence onto the track and chases after 4 greyhounds running after the rabbit lure; Turns, SHOUTS)

Remember we have a date at my place!

 

Cut to

 

   EXT         BARBER SMELLS HER DRESS  EXT

Barber live on air, lifts and smells her skirt, revealing her great legs and white nickers.

Let’s go of her dress

 

BARBER                           

There you have it punters, good clean racing today.

I will be back soon with more in-depth interviews from the track after I take a shower and change

 

I smell like shit!

 

(Holding up a white tampon between her thumb and forefinger, in Dirty Harry like, mean voice-over tones,

 

standing side on pointing her finger)

 

 

Ladies, we all know of your bad experiences every month; and this, being the most powerful tampon in the whole

 

world; to tell you the truth, I plumb forgot in all the excitement if I had used 5 or was it 6 tampons today!

 

Is the woman sitting next you in this theatre on heat?

 

Go ahead, bend over; and take a sniff!

 

 

Cut to

                                                      

 

 

Dec 31

 

 

Good morning punters,

 

We were live on-course at Sandown yesterday, where the heat was too hot for the horses, with runners sweating

up, straightinto the yard and jockeys up and on to the track.

 

It was hot for me also with temperatures close to 35 degrees, I am sure I would of done better a home off my

monitors.

 

Pick 4’s paid $58k, $41K, $12k and $6k during the day, all made it a losing day at the office for us.

 

We started off well with an easy $1,100 dividend in race 1, tipping 1-2 in order across the line to start your

exotics.

 

Race 6 No 9 winner So You Drink, I missed all together in the yard as the horse came in and out, which did not

help me.

 

1st tip Testability @ $9.00 ($2.80 place) absolutely flew home 3 to their 1, but ran 2nd would of eased the pain

if got up.

 

Not a good day with big priced horses filling exotics.

 

Anyway have a nice new year and back into it again soon.

 

All the best

 

James

 

 

 

Dec 29

 

 

Quinella
15-12
$88.40
Exacta
15-12
$201.00
Duet
15-12
$15.80
Duet
15-4
$31.30
Duet
12-4
$9.20
Trifecta
15-12-4
$2,591.40
First Four
15-12-4-3
$21,068.40

 

Tips, look for value , hard race

97%  9-3-8-2-12

96% 5-4-10

 

Thanks for the day with $30,000 tipped in exotics.

 

Sandown tomorrow, join today......Jim

Dec 29

 

 

Quinella
8-7
$302.30
Exacta
8-7
$442.30
Duet
8-7
$20.50
Duet
8-13
$15.50
Duet
7-13
$18.20
Trifecta
8-7-13
$3,814.70
First Four
8-7-13-5
$21,599.70

 

$20 winner found. (8)

Tips   97%  13-5-9-10

96%  8-12-2

 

My next horse was the 7, damn.

 

Jim

Dec 29

 

 

Winner on top, $4.70  got the lot again.

 

$30,000 in dividends to members today, join for Sandown tomorrow....Jim

 

Quinella
1-2
$17.60
Exacta
1-2
$26.20
Duet
1-2
$6.70
Duet
1-6
$12.70
Duet
2-6
$12.70
Trifecta
1-2-6
$284.00
First Four
1-2-6-13
$1,007.30

 

Tips 97%  1-4-13-6

96%  7-9-2

Dec 29

 

 

2 winners on top and plenty of big dividends rest.

 

Quinella
4-7
$31.60
Exacta
4-7
$34.00
Duet
4-7
$8.80
Duet
4-13
$6.30
Duet
7-13
$18.20
Trifecta
4-7-13
$326.70
First Four
4-7-13-5
$5,451.30

Tips top line

 

97%  4-6-3-2

96% 5-7-10

Winner paid $3.70, big day for members.

 

Jim

 

 

 

Dec 29

 

 

Results

 

Runner

 

Tote

1st

 

7. CHAINS

J

Jason Benbow

T

K F Milham

Prop

156027

$18.00

$3.95

$16.60

$3.00

2nd

 

11. LACERTA

J

Daniel Moor

T

R D Griffiths

Prop

156031

$2.04

$1.90

3rd

 

15. MAJALS

J

Ben Allen

T

Ms S Gotts

Prop

156035

$6.91

$7.30

4th

 

14. ROYAL BUTTERFLY

J

Dale Smith

T

R D Griffiths

Prop

156034

   

 

Exotic Results

Results

Dividend

Quinella

7-11

$51.60

Exacta

7-11

$117.00

Duet

7-11

$17.00

Duet

7-15

$136.80

Duet

11-15

$56.30

Trifecta

7-11-15

$1,867.50

First Four

7-11-15-14

$21,800.5

 

Tips:

 

Look for Value  97%  3-14-1-7

96%  11-12-15

 

$24,000 in dividends for members, huge!

Dec 29

 

 

All dividends in first 5 fitness tips.

 

Quinella
8-12
$13.40
Exacta
8-12
$26.00
Duet
8-12
$6.00
Duet
8-5
$5.80
Duet
12-5
$9.60
Trifecta
8-12-5
$149.80
First Four
8-12-5-15
$898.40

Tips

Look for value

97%  2-8-15-12

96%  5-6-16

 

Nice work top horses this race, winner paid $4.00

 

Jim

 

 

 

 

Counters

Articles View Hits
742978
Follow James Conway
@fithorses on Twitter

 

Select MMS Pack to purchase

Accept the Terms and Conditions: