page 9, we are now about 50 minutes into my movie.
BARBER
So, tell me FRANK, do you want me to ask my boss to telecast your Cup meeting?
FRANK (Sweating)
That really would be terrific BARBER!
Will you be coming?
BARBER
Yes, I will come.
FRANK
Can I watch you come to BARBER?
BARBER
(Pushes Frank harder in the chest that makes him stagger backwards)
Certainly NOT, you know like most decent church going women, I am a come only when the lights off girl!
FRANK
Ok, can you please give me a call next week to discuss the details, thanks BARBER you’re an angel!
(Frank gives Barber a big cuddle and squeezes her buxom breasts as he pulls away.
Barber points her shaking finger at Frank)
The Drunk staggers past holding a drink with James following
Cut to
INT BACK IN THE BOARD ROOM MEETING DAY
The committee have gathered for a report on how Frank’s marketing plans are going.
They are chatting and worried about the $100k prize money promised by TED.
Frank makes a speech.
FRANK
Good morning committee members.
I have great news, I am happy to confirm that ACD NETWORK will be live broadcasting our Cup day meeting.
(Members clap except TED)
We also have secured $50,000 in new sponsors plus I had talks with the President of the GOBBLE GOBBLE Nudist
Colony and they fully support our day and their members can be expected to
turn up in big numbers.
They even gave me a life time FREE membership!
(Holding up the membership ticket with a big smile)
I have organized a Punters Club and I personally will put $5,000 into the
pool and hope it wins on the day for the club. Honest Bob is coming from out of town to run it for us.
TED (Frowning)
Still not $100,000 plus we need!
BART (Loud tone)
You are the one who promised $100,000!
Committee Member #2
So it looks like full steam ahead to me?
(Members stand and clap)
Cut to
EXT RACE DAY PREPARATIONS DAY
EVENT:
People work to prepare for race day. Sponsors boards going up around the track, bar and food
stalls setting up. Barber, with crew sets up her ACD broadcasting equipment.
The Nude Bar is open, a large round hot bubbling spa on, bookmakers setting up their stands, horses being led
into stables and course proper track being mowed with a hand mower.
Frank and Bart walk around chatting, organizing things and giving instructions.
The Drunk staggers past holding a drink, followed by James in robotic fashion.
Cut to
INT ACD SPORTS NEWS DESK DAY
ACD Broadcasting head-quarters are telecasting the world’s first nude race day meeting. JENNY (35) Attractive,
glasses, short skirt sits on a bar stool with legs open showing her pink nickers, talks live on air.
JENNY
Good afternoon viewers; we are live today broadcasting the world’s first nude race meeting from the GOBBLE GOBBLE
Race Track in GOBBLE GOBBLE.
We are crossing live now to see how things are shaping up with our amazing travelling sports reporter, the most
dumbest, extraordinaire, gorgeous and f&^%#g grouse Christmas party girl for boys and girls; MISS BARBER HAIR’DO
(FADE OUT: The in-house camera crew with pants down to their ankles, CLAP, WHISTLE and CHEER)
Cut to
EXT BARBER STARTS REPORTING DAY
Barber standing, holds a microphone in front of the entrance gates of the GOBBLE GOBBLE Race Club with race
goers, dressed and partly naked queuing to get in.
BARBER
Thanks JENNY for those kind memories of our last Christmas Party, lying on my back, looking at the ceilings every half hour after reading the weather reports, brings back great memories of high laughter and amazing moans!
As you can see behind me JENNY dearest, we are still 2 hours before the first race and already it looks like a bumper crowd turning up for the club.
Stay tuned today as we will take you exclusively around the track with Fashions on Parade, interviews with
personalities and trainers plus not forgetting the inside tips for punters on the big GOBBLE GOBBLE Cup starting at 4pm.
Cut to
EXT ASIAN TOURIST BUS DAY
EVENT: A battered yellow bus load of 30 men and women Asian Tourist (short in stature) are on their way to the
nude race meeting;
INDIAN BUS DRIVE (45) traditional Indian clothes continually gets lost and must use a road map to find his way.
The tourists CHEER, SING, DANCE and frantically WAVE small flags.
The Indian driver TALKS IN HINDU and his messages are subtitled who announces that just around the next corner is
the nudie race track! (Subtitles bottom or screen)
“Oh my god, we nearly at nudie track horse very soon, that is very good news!”
The tourists quickly take off their clothes, except for their underpants and excitedly JUMP UP and DOWN in the
isles, take photos of each other.
The bus stops and opens its door, naked tourists wildly run out off the bus, waving flags, right into a
traditional Asian wedding ceremony taking place in the grounds of a park.
Wedding guests are in shock at their fellow naked country men and women.
The tourists bow and step backwards towards the bus and run inside and put their clothes back on. They sit in
their seats in silence.
The bus driver checks his road map and heads off down the road with the old bus BLOWING SMOKE and BACK FIRING.
Cut to
EXT SPOT INTERVIEW DAY
With the horse stables in the back ground, Barber is interviewing the Chief Steward SPOT (A person in a WHITE and
BLACK spotted dog costume, black nose)
A glimpse of a greyhound dog trial run on the course proper is seen between the stables.
BARBER
Good morning Chief Steward SPOT, you are in charge of today’s race meeting?
SPOT (Throwing out his chest)
Yes, that is correct girlie!
BARBER
Do you expect any problems today?
SPOT (Bends over and SNIFFS BARBER up and down)
You are on heat!
(Lets’ out a big dog howl!)
I better escort you back to my place so we can have a doggy bath!
Boy, you really do smell off!
(Barber blushes and takes a step backwards)
(Pause)
(Spot points to the greyhounds running past)
How dumb are those greyhounds?
Cut to
EXT BARBER WEARING A T SHIRT DAY
Barber wears a printed t shirt: “Yes, I am on heat!”
BARBER
What do you mean Chief Steward SPOT?
SPOT (Points upwards with his finger)
Dumb greyhounds year after year chase a stuffed piece of rag.
THINK-ING mind you; THINK-ING it’s a real rabbit!
How f&^%%#g stupid are they?
BARBER
Have you been in the racing industry long Chief Steward SPOT?
SPOT
About 5 years; previously I won 30 races mostly at Group 1 level.
BARBER
That must have been exciting times.
Did you ever win a Derby?
SPOT
No, damn unlucky though, got checked at the 100 metre mark, bastard;
I should have won that race!
BARBER
So it was the jockeys fault?
SPOT (Twists his head sideways)
Jockey, what f*&^%$g jockey?
BARBER
The jockey who rode your horse you trained in the Derby?
SPOT
Horse trainer!
I was no dumb horse trainer!
I was The Greyhound called “SPOT”
I was a super charged champion for years.
BARBER
You were a greyhound?
SPOT
What did you think I was you silly bitch?
Do I look like a horse trainer, I ask you, do I look like a horse trainer?
(Pause)
But I am all OVER BEING A STUPID GREYHOUND NOW!
BARBER
My apologies Chief Steward SPOT
So you can guarantee good clean races for the punters today?
SPOT (Throws out his chest)
I have an eagle eye for corruption and can see any wrong doings from 300 metres away.
Nothing gets passed me; that’s why I am the Chief Racing Steward of the GOBBLE GOBBLE racing club!
(Background in the stalls, horses are being doped from a large bags marked DOPING DRUGS BAG and needled by nurses and doctors)
The Drunk staggers past the horses followed by James.
We hear the sound of the dog lure (Noise over) “running up” for the next dog trial.
Fade In. Spot’s ears prick up and he looks around left to right, excited.
SPOT (Itching to go)
I’m going to catch that f&^$#g rabbit if it’s the last thing I ever do!
(Spots runs over, jumps the fence onto the track and chases after 4 greyhounds running after the rabbit lure; Turns, SHOUTS)
Remember we have a date at my place!
Cut to
EXT BARBER SMELLS HER DRESS EXT
Barber live on air, lifts and smells her skirt, revealing her great legs and white nickers.
Let’s go of her dress
BARBER
There you have it punters, good clean racing today.
I will be back soon with more in-depth interviews from the track after I take a shower and change
I smell like shit!
(Holding up a white tampon between her thumb and forefinger, in Dirty Harry like, mean voice-over tones,
standing side on pointing her finger)
Ladies, we all know of your bad experiences every month; and this, being the most powerful tampon in the whole
world; to tell you the truth, I plumb forgot in all the excitement if I had used 5 or was it 6 tampons today!
Is the woman sitting next you in this theatre on heat?
Go ahead, bend over; and take a sniff!
Cut to
