Jan 4
Jan 3
Jan 3



Next few scenes in the movies script I wrote.




A hideous laughter from the race course tower

Hehehehehehehehehehe! (Voice over)

Cut to



In the stable area.LADY ANNE PENELOPE (50) 5’5” immaculately dressed in white, large pink hat, high society horse trainer,  highly opinionated of herself, confident. Barber wearing a red dress.





Good afternoon LADY PENELOPE and welcome to Gobble Gobble Racing Club.



LADY PENELOPE  (Head up, eye-lids fluttering)                                          


It is such a pleasure to be here, do you like my new hat?





Yes, it looks lovely.



LADY PENELOPE   (Chin up high)


Isn’t my new hat just wonderful?

I bought it in Paris after I won the Ascot Gold Cup in London.

Did you know I am the best horse trainer in the world?

Did you know that I have won 3 Kentucky Derby’s, 2 Melbourne Cups and 5 Arc’s?

Ha Ha Ha I have lost count of how many classics winners I have trained, Ha Ha Ha



BARBER    (Gets angry) 


Yes LADY PENELOPE, you have told us so many times over the years; frankly we are all sick to fu^%%#g death of it!



LADY PENELOPE   (In a world of her own)


Ooooh! Oooh!  Don’t  talk to me like that! I am THE SUPER STAR of the turf!

Did you I am the best horse trainer in the world?

Do you like my new hat. (Hand on hat)



So how is your horse, FAST EDDIE goingto go today LADY PENELOPE in the Cup?


LADY PENELOPE                             

Well, I will tell you a little secret my darling, my horses are always 110% fit, but EDDIE is only 28.8% fit today.


I seriously don’t think he can win today as he requires another few runs to peak at his best.


So I suggest you tell your punters not to bet on him today.

(Lady Penelope waves her white handkerchief)


Whooooo Ooooooh!  I’m over here dearest!


                                     Cut to



English gentleman husband, (55), LORD HOWELL THE 3rd, top hat, bow tie and blue checked suit, OLD ENGLISH large moustache, 

carrying a bookies bag, walks towards Lady Penelope.


LADY PENELOPE (Voice over)                        


Do you like my new hat dearest?


(Lord Howell The 3RD walks to Lady Penelope and gives her a hug and kiss on the cheek.\


Cut to




Fade in: Barber with microphone



BARBER   (Smiling)                  

Well there you have it punters, LADY PENELOPE says FAST EDDIE isonly 28.8% fit and cannot win!


What a scoop and how great for women around the world are my interviews,

God, I truly am the best fu%%#ng sports reporter in the world!


See you soon, I have to buy a hat, bye! (Waves)


 Cut to




Lady Penelope and Lord Howell hold hands and skip towards the stalls.

A black horse is removed by staff and a grey horse is led in.

Staff start painting the grey horse with black paint rollers and brushes.

Spot casually walks past holding a huge dog bone and is oblivious to what is going on.


Cut to




EXT            HUSH KIDDIES        DAY

Lady Penelope calls her staff to gather around.



LADY PENELOPE  (Finger to her lips)           

Gather around kiddies, I want complete hush, hush here.


I have just set up big odds for our ring in horse and now everything is in place for our next big plunge.


Remember children, not a word to anyone!


Do you like my new hat?


                             Cut to

(Staff nod their heads)

                        Cut to


LORD HOWELL THE 3RD                           

Oh well done lovey-dovey, you workedthe media brilliantly once again; this will be another money, money, money result for me.


(Rubbing his hands together, big smiles.

You devilish creature you!

(Kisses her on the cheek)

                Cut to



LADY PENELOPE                             

Thank you dearest, it’s all part of being the world’s best horse trainer.


(They are all smiles and watch the staff paint their horse)

                                              Cut to




A 6 seater bubbling Spa in front of the bar with 4 topless girls in it, drinking, people nearby DRINK and DANCE.


The Drunk, staggers, stumbles over to the spa, steps in with clothes on, sits down, careful not to spill one drop of his drink.

TIPS his bowler hat to the ladies, takes a sip of his drink. He observes the ladies.

A lady opposite him bends her wet head down forward in front of The Drunk.


The Drunk RUBS with his finger on the top of a lady’s short black hair.



THE DRUNK   (Subtitle)

Your virgina is missing!


 (Girls laugh out loud; he finishes his drink, tips his hat, climbs out of the spa and staggers off)


            Cut to



Obnoxious, laughter from the tower.


Cut to




Grand Stand lounge, Punters Club host HONEST BOB (40), black cape, thin lip moustache, top hat, long cigarette holder in his mouth, villainous personality, has raised $200 million (figure on white board) for today’s Punters Club, stands alone on stage.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             Cut to




30 persons seated in front of him, sports persons, old and young persons, Sheiks, The Queen, Asian business men, Sheep, Nudist.

 James is seated at the back.


Three ladies seated in the front row have their legs open, revealing their coloured nickers.


Cut to



Honest Bob greets punters.


HONEST BOB (Grinning)                        


Hi you lucky punters I am HONEST BOB and it’s good to see so many very intelligent people here today … for a change!       


Today we have $200 million in thePunters Club and I have sure fire tips today that will win!


                    Cut to



FADE OUT: Punters Club members all smiles.


                                                                                                                                                                 Cut to



On stage


Our target today is to win $2 billion. How good does that sound?




Mr James Conway CEO 28.8

“The Best Fitness Tipping Site in the World!”

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Jan 3
Jan 2



Good morning punters, we are live at Moonee Valley today.






Mr James Conway CEO 28.8

“The Best Fitness Tipping Site in the World!”

This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.



Jan 1



From Betfair, whats happening?


Happy New Year to All.

Turned out to be a historic year for me on two fronts. Firstly, censored by Boilsports which was the first bookie i've been restricted by in 30 years of punting, which i was quite chuffed about really, did the ego a bit of good and all that. Now just found out i've doubled that number with Betfair Sportsbook. Not quite as glamorous however as it turns out i've lost with them!!! Is this a cunning new way within the bookmaking industry, ban the losing punters as well as the winning ones. No doubt there wouldnt be an issue with either bookmaker if i deposited £50 on the slots or roulette though! 

Dario : Hello welcome to Betfair you are chatting with Dario. How can I help?
Dario: Hello there

pete: Simple question really. Why are you refusing to take even a £1 e/w double bet off me?
Dario: What is happening, it won't let you bet? Are you given any message?

pete: Maximum allowed is 82p e/w. Every time i try to place a bet i am restricted to ridiculous amounts. Earlier wanted £20 on a 15/8 shot that was restricted to £8
Dario: And are you trying to bet on the exchange?

pete: no, sportsbook
Dario: And are you trying to bet on an australian market by any chance?
pete: No. Only ever bet on English Horse racing

Dario: Ok, can you please send me a screenshot of the message you are getting, I will need to escalate this with our sportsbook department to check further?
pete: It will mean i have to try and place a bet to get the message, and it will be sods law it will get accepted.
pete: the message only appears when i submit the bet. Not just today either, every time i have tried to bet over last couple of months the same restrictions

Dario: I understand Pete, and does this happen also on the exchange markets?
pete: no just sportsbook
Dario: SO Pete I have been checking with our sports department and the reason you cannot place any sportsbook bets is because your account has been restricted to using only the exchange markets, its a traders decision that unfortunately cannot be reversed
pete isle: why?

Dario: Its not something that they make us aware of, its solely up to the discretion of our sports department
pete: i would like someone to have the decency to speak to me and explain why they have taken that decision. While theyre at it they can also tell me how many thousands of pounds profit i HAVEN'T made in the last couple of years as i presume that is normally the reason these decisions are taken. I've barely placed a bet with the sportsbook in 6 months and would find it funny id it weren't so pathetic.

Dario: Pete, I understand your position, unfortunately its not something that we can over turn from helpdesk as its entirely a sports department decision and we aren't made aware of any specific reason. If you wish to escalate this forward you may do so by clicking on help at the top end on our web site > then help topics > and type in complaint

pete: I don't expect you to overturn it., i would simply ask that whoever has taken this decision would have the common courtesy to get on a phone and explain his reasons for doing so. Or haven't the basics of customer service reached Betfair's trading desk yet?
Dario: Pete unfortunately from my end I cannot give you a reason becuase we are unaware of the specific reasons ourselves at helpdesk. It is solely to the discretion of our sports department and they do not disclose any reasons

pete: i'd be embarrassed working there. I spent 20 year on Ladbrokes raceroom and yes we restricted customers who were non profitable i.e. tens of thousands in front, but never £10- £20 punters. And I made sure that i had the bollx to ring that customer and explain to him personally why we had to do it. It's not pleasant but at least the punters respected the fact we told them. Your trading dept are obviously full of faceless graduates who need to grow a pair. Please can you provide me with a Sportsbook P&L for the last 12 months as your system does not allow me to do it for myself and so i can see how many thousands i'm in front

Dario: Pete your P & L on sportsbook is 2,661.46 as deposits and 2,487.52 as returns, Im sorry you feel this way Pete, unfortunately from my end there is not much more than this I can tell you as I don't know the reason myself eithert
pete: So your binning losing punters as well now then!!! Absolutely priceless!!!!!! Shame really, i was looking forward to spending my millions! Thanks for your time Dario, you have my sympathy.

Dario: Sorry for this Pete, wish I could do more myself in this case

Jan 1



Happy new year to members.


Our next meeting members is at Moonee Valley on Saturday.


1st two races are free, register now or $20 for the whole meeting.






Mr James Conway CEO 28.8

“The Best Fitness Tipping Site in the World!”

This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.




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